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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26060356">reliving withered memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourWriter/pseuds/YourWriter'>YourWriter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A pinch of fluff here and there, Angst, Angst and angst all the way, Brief mention of Choi Yeonjun, Living Together, M/M, Terminally Ill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:16:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26060356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourWriter/pseuds/YourWriter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Beomgyu comes back, after leaving five year ago, seeking closure when he can't find peace even after all those years of grief. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>reliving withered memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wow, here's an angst I long finished and now I want to post just 16 hours before my pre-board week start and 7 days before my formal classes start, thank you, I hope you cry (I'm not mean, I promise it's just because I did while writing this), thank you :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Beomgyu stood before his old house. It's beige and white paint almost fading out. The plants placed by the window at the second floor, a room used to be occupied by a special someone, has dried out and died, the former healthy green leaves have turned gray and old.</p><p>He stepped in front of the gates and fished the gold keys of the house from his jean pocket. He picked the circular gold key and used it on the gates, remembering it was the one for it. It opened. A sudden gust of wind passed by bringing along a scent very nostalgic to Beomgyu. His heart felt like it was squeezed and dropped yet he stood still and stepped inside, closing the gates after.</p><p>The Bermuda grass, not being taken care of, has also turned gray and dry, like the rest of the house. He stared at a particular place and it was like magic when the wind blew, a phantasm appeared.</p><p>
  <em>"Hyung! Look at this!" A red haired boy sitting at the Bermuda grass called for Beomgyu's attention.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He approached the boy who was holding a tulip's stem where a caterpillar was resting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's cute, right?" The boy asked, looking for agreement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beomgyu chuckles before answering, "yes, it is."</em>
</p><p>The memory flashed in front of Beomgyu's eyes.</p><p>He took a deep breath before leaving the front yard and standing before the white oak door with purple splatters as design.</p><p>
  <em>Hyung, don't you think brown's a little bit dull?" A red haired boy clung to his arm as they stood before the house.<br/><br/>"You think so?" He asked.<br/><br/>"Yes."<br/><br/>"Then, we'll choose a new one."<br/><br/>"Really?" The red haired boy's eyes sparkled and Beomgyu just wanted to see those happy eyes, forever.<br/><br/>"Yes, whatever you would like." Beomgyu stated, ready to give whatever the younger wants.<br/><br/>"An oak door!" The younger exclaimed. "A white oak door with purple touches!" </em>
</p><p>He shook his head and went on with his business. As he turned the knob, the door created a squeaky sound due to the rusty hinges.</p><p>The interior of the house was still the same, neat as ever, though there was a good amount of dust scattered everywhere. </p><p>
  <em>"I'd like a polished wooden floor!"</em>
</p><p>The wooden floor was still shining with the afternoon sunshine seeping through the downturned lace window curtains.</p><p>
  <em>"White lace curtains are cute!"</em>
</p><p>A huge wave of memories pulled Beomgyu under the water, drowning him, suffocating him, making tears prick the window of his eyes.</p><p>He breathed in, blinking the forming tears away and turned on the direction of the living room. </p><p>The furniture, picked and chosen by Beomgyu's former lover was still on their places, no white sheets covering it as his request, dust hugging all parts.</p><p>Another apparition appeared.</p><p>
  <em>Sitting leisurely at the sofa was a red haired boy, on his lap was Beomgyu, having the time of his life as he closed his eyes while holding the other boy's hand.<br/><br/>"Your hand fits mine so perfectly, Hyunnie." Beomgyu murmured, a smile creeping on the red haired boy's face as <br/>he heard what the elder had said.<br/><br/>Taehyun leaned down, his hands making their way on Beomgyu's chin and head. He planted a little kiss on Beomgyu's forehead, backing up and then planting another one on the the other's nose, and cheeks and eyes until Beomgyu fell into a pit of giggles and laughter.<br/><br/>"You're so lovely hyung."</em>
</p><p>Beomgyu bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes as a tear escaped, the memory felt like it was just yesterday, the kisses, the giggles and laughter they shared. </p><p>Heart heavy and thoughts like a whirlpool, he walked towards the direction where he remembers the kitchen would be and halted just behind the island as yet another memory played.</p><p>
  <em>"What would you like for dinner hyung?" The red haired boy asked while standing in front of the open fridge, looking through the available ingredients.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beomgyu stood from the high chair and approached the red haired, hugging him tightly from behind, it startled the younger but then chuckled right after.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just sit behind the counter sweetheart, I would cook us some dinner." Beomgyu whispered right in the younger's ear. It sure sent thousands of shivers down Taehyun's spine and he liked the reaction.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stated that but he continued nuzzling on the younger's neck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Taehyun chuckled. "How are you going to cook like this?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just stay still, I just want to smell you."</em>
</p><p>Beomgyu turned on his heels right after the memory appeared. His chest, getting heavier and heavier.</p><p>He went back to the living room, noticing a tall desk placed beneath a butterfly painting on the wall. Placed on it was a swan glass figurine and two picture frames almost covered in dust. </p><p>Beomgyu picked the left one and wiped some dust away.</p><p>"Taehyunnie! Look here!" Beomgyu called the boy as he held his polaroid camera near his eye.</p><p>The said boy turned around and immediately put up a peace sign while smiling so bright, it rivalled the sun.</p><p>A teardrop got heavy and escaped Beomgyu's eyes, he instantly wiped it away and put the picture frame down. He picked up the other one and found that it was his picture, taken by a polaroid camera too.<br/><br/>In the picture, he was happy. <em>Genuinely happy. When will he ever be that happy again?<br/></em><br/>Beomgyu swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and moved towards the staircase.</p><p><em>"Catch me if you can Beomgyu hyung!" </em><br/><br/>Beomgyu looked up the staircase. There goes Taehyun, smiling so brightly, his red hair disheveled. The Taehyun that was smiling at him was an eidolon of the past.</p><p>He smiled yet another tear escaped only this time Beomgyu let it flow, not denying his upset heart. Just looking at the boy's smile could make Beomgyu's heart happy and content. So, it's going to be impossible to be happy and content again, huh? <br/><br/>He took a step forward and when he reached the second floor, another phantom memory appeared.<br/><br/>Right standing in front of the first room was Taehyun. Tears were flowing down his pretty cheeks as he held the door's knob.<br/><br/><em>"I'm sorry hyung."</em></p><p>
  <em>The doors swung open, revealing a disheveled Beomgyu, tear stained cheeks, swollen eyes, red nose and heaving chest. <br/>Taehyun extended his arms toward the elder, cupping his cheeks as the younger pulled him inside his embrace. His head resting on Taehyun's shoulder, eyes closed, focused on following Taehyun's much more stable breath.<br/><br/>"We'll make out the best of everything. Okay?"</em>
</p><p>Beomgyu held on the railings, keeping himself from falling on the floor as he felt his knees buckle. He could remember that day. It was three days after Taehyun was discharged from the hospital. Beomgyu knew it. He knew Taehyun was sick. It broke his heart. And what devastated him even more was that Taehyun's condition is incurable. It took him two days to finally break down, he spent the day and night crying before deciding to face Taehyun again. Regretting that he wasted a day not seeing his lover's beauty and presence. </p><p>A cold wind washed the memory in front of Beomgyu's eyes, replacing it with another one. A phantom appeared with the wind and in a blink of an eye, Taehyun's eidolon was standing before him, eyes glazed with happiness.</p><p><em>Taehyun held his wrist and smiled before pulling him inside one of the rooms. <br/></em><br/>It was his room. Their room. Everything inside this room reminds Beomgyu of Taehyun, from the curtains, desk, paintings, colors of the walls, the bedsheet, the pillow and down to the simple design of the room. Taehyun's an interior designer, and everything inside this house was his idea, all his. Reminding Beomgyu of Taehyun every single corner he looked at.</p><p>Beomgyu stopped on his tracks yet the ghost of Taehyun did not, behind him was Beomgyu still tailing, another memory. Until Taehyun stopped beside the bed and casually pushing Beomgyu on the bed. <br/><br/><em>They both chuckled. Taehyun followed suit, sitting on Beomgyu's lap and nuzzling on his neck.<br/><br/>"I love you hyung." Taehyun whispered. "I love you so much, to the moon and back."</em></p><p><em>That was all it took before their lips were touching each other with such passion in it. Beomgyu was gentle, so gentle and Taehyun loved and ached for it. The way the elder's lips grazed Taehyun's was wonderful. The way the elder's touch was feather-like, the way Beomgyu kissed Taehyun senselessly yet there was still gentleness in it was ecstatic.<br/><br/></em>Beomgyu closed his eyes, tears still flowing down. Another gust of wind passed by, the curtains dancing with it and when he opened his eyes, everything's gone, all there was the deserted and dusty bed.</p><p>He turned around and left the room to approach his last destination, a spiral staircase leading to the rooftop at the end of the hallway.</p><p>He slowly walked towards it yet stopped when he felt a phantom touch on his hands. Looking down to his hand where another was entwined with another and up to the owner of it, he smiled faintly. </p><p><em>"Why are we going up there hyung?" Taehyun asked, his beautiful doe eyes full of innocence and curiosity.<br/></em><br/>Memory Taehyun was looking at him, at his eyes, waiting for the next move he's going to do. So, with a face filled with tears, he continued walking up, up until he reached the rooftop. The sun was setting, like that day, five years ago, they both went up and Beomgyu had set up the rooftop beautifully. With fairy lights ready to light their surroundings when the sun has completely gone to bed, an old brown couch was already set down, a wooden coffee table and snacks on it.<br/><br/>That day Beomgyu proposed to Taehyun and that day Beomgyu devised a wedding, their friend, Choi Yeonjun, a lawyer, wed them and both were content and happy. That day, they kissed and kissed to their hearts content. Spent the night, stargazed and just stared at each other, no spoken words, only love professed through random kisses and hugs and gestures.</p><p>Yet now the rooftop's void of anything beautiful, just the old dusty and ruined couch and the coffee table they'd use has lost one of it's legs.<br/><br/>Beomgyu's sobbing became prominent, drowning the birds singing and the monotone wind, tears flooding his eyes with the overwhelming surge of memory and heartache. He fell on his knees, his legs giving up on him. He held both his hands up to his chest, where his heart would be, feeling his heartbeat lose it's lively thump, it's colorful and magical emotions disappearing. No. Not disappearing, <em>had </em>disappeared rather. <br/><br/>The moment a hand gripping his, fell loose, the moment the love of his life fluttered his eyes closed, the moment the beating of his heart halted, the moment Taehyun left him.</p><p>
  <em>"Hyung, the stars are beautiful aren't they?" Taehyun asked as he rested his head by the elder's shoulder, both of them lying down on a mat as they looked up at the stars.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They are." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't be sad hyung." Taehyun uttered breathily. Beomgyu turned his head toward his lover who was already gazing at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That, I can't promise." He said, eyes turning glassy in a blink.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Taehyun smiled at him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We become stars when we die, I believe our souls will forever live among the stars. That's why people tend to look up at the skies when they remember their loved ones."<br/><br/>Beomgyu didn't utter a word, instead, he tightened his grip around the younger's lithe frame. <br/><br/>"Taehyun-ah?" Beomgyu called and all Taehyun did was hum in response. "You do know how much I love you right?" <br/><br/>"I do so much." <br/><br/>"Do you love me too?"<br/><br/>The younger elicited a soft chuckle before answering, "silly, I wouldn't marry you if I don't."<br/><br/>"How much though?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Taehyun moved away from Beomgyu only to lean in again for a chaste kiss on the lips. "Do I still need to indicate how much? Can't you feel it already?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Blood creeped up on Beomgyu's cheeks, tinting it a very pretty shade of pink by the sudden gesture.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Point taken." He smiled and Taehyun once again leaned in. This time for a long, proper kiss, though there was no tongues involved, it still felt magnificent, with Taehyun constantly granting Beomgyu's bottom lip kitten licks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Taehyun pulled away as he felt liquid cascading down Beomgyu's cheeks, staining the cherry of his cheeks in the process. He wiped them away with a smile painted on his lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hyung?" Taehyun called. Beomgyu opened his eyes, his eyes glassy and reflecting the beauty of the stars hanging in the skies. "When I go, just look up at the skies every night. Whenever you miss me, look at the stars and I'll be the brightest star that you will ever see. Whenever you feel down, sad or lost, look up at the skies, I'll be shining down on you from heaven and I will guide you. I'll still be here with you, you might not be able to see me, but I'll be here," Taehyun paused as his hand glided from Beomgyu's waist up to his chest, where his heart would rest beneath. "You'll feel me here."<br/><br/>Beomgyu trembled as he sobbed but still nodded to reassure the younger. Though he himself doesn't know if he can do what Taehyun had asked him to do so.<br/><br/>He pulled the younger again, into a tight embrace, like if he ever let go, Taehyun would disappear. Like his life depended on the younger. His face was resting beside Taehyun's neck, he sniffled, trembled and sobbed and the younger was just smiling as he rubbed the elder's back gently, feeling comfortable that he'll leave knowing how Beomgyu loves him, how someone will think of him, keep him in their heart even if he's gone to a far away land. <br/><br/>Though their hearts weren't beating at the same rhythm anymore, with one skipping some beat or slower than normal, it was still beating the same name over and over again, with no falter nor doubt inclined to it. It was just pure love. Love that overwhelms the both of them that they don't even know how to express with just 'I love yous'. It was breathtaking. Loving one another was the greatest thing they have ever done in their lives and both would not regret anything, nothing, even if their life that was of a novel was already in it's ending page. They would continue to love, stronger than ever, as they seek for each other once again in another life.</em>
</p><p>Beomgyu fell into a sobbing mess as he hugged himself, feeling the loneliness of the evening creeping around.<br/><br/>After that promising night, Beomgyu could remember very clearly how he cried the next day as Taehyun was rushed to the hospital and how he broke down when he saw the flatline displayed by the heart monitor. <em></em><br/><br/>Taehyun's gone.</p><p>The doctors weren't able to save him. It was inevitable and Beomgyu doesn't feel as real anymore, he can't feel himself, he's much devastated. He just wanted to leave too. And join Taehyun on his journey to heaven. But after days and weeks and months of crying himself to sleep, his tears have finally stopped and the next day, he thought of how Taehyun would want him to continue with his life, how the younger would be scolding him by now if he doesn't get up and live his life. </p><p>He thought of Taehyun.</p><p>He thought of what Taehyun said, that he'll be in his heart, forever with him.</p><p>Their love wasn't like the one's in the novel wherein the author gave them a chance to end up and grow old together in spite of all the obstacles and troubles and problems and hindrances they had. It wasn't like one of the stories, where the gods above turned their lives upside down and let them have the happy ending they want. It wasn't like one of the tales, where the angels sang, the dark cloud went away, the wind blew warm and the sun shone. It wasn't like those, it wasn't near anything from the novels he has read.</p><p>Though Beomgyu didn't have the happy ending he wished he could have, he spent half of his life with the person he loves and they both were able to love one another in the most greatest way possible and that is much more magical than those fairy tales. </p><p>Beomgyu would look up at the stars and find the brightest one as he smiles while holding his heart knowing Taehyun was watching him, like what the younger had told him, until he too had to leave the earth and finally join the only love of his life. He would continue to love Taehyun with no falter and he would do it over and over until their love was written once again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I swear, the phantom/memory scene was much more beautiful in my imaginations.</p><p>Not the most amazing angst you'll ever read but I tried :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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